Forgiving the past
by maribochan
Summary: Previously called Sakura Kinomoto, Sakura Daidouji had a painful past. Her past has come back to haunt her. Will her secret be discovered and will she be forgiven? R&R.
1. Epilogue

**Hello fellow fan fiction readers. This will be my first fanfic for about 2 years.**

The rain had fallen on that day.. The one day I thought everything would be okay. My life shattered into pieces as I read the dreaded test; _Pregnant_. I was 16. I had no idea this would happen. It had been a one night stand with my best friend, whom I had loved for 5 ½ years. We finally had mutual feelings for each other and it had gotten that far, but sadly he had to move. Far away, his mother found out about our relationship, and was appalled. So she made him move, far away from me.

I never could gain the courage to tell him, I didn't want him ruining what he had in Hong Kong. He was the heir to the Li corp. A huge business that ran in China.

I told myself I could raise the child myself, and at first everything was okay. The child resembled him so much, I loved the child more than anything in the world. I decided to give her a Chinese name, Xiao-Xing, which means morning star. No matter how much I love her, every time I see her eyes, those powerful amber eyes, my heart feels like it would fail me.

Soon after I graduated high school Xiao-Xing turned 2. I never went to college because of difficulties so, through my closest friend Tomoyo I became a model. Although I was a nervous wreck Tomoyo was there for me every step of the way to recovery.

I began to forget about him, his name, his personality, his voice. I soon forgot it all. Everything but those painful eyes. We always referred to him as the best friend we lost. I remember Tomoyo telling me that he resigned from Li Corp, which took place about 2 years ago. It was all over the tabloid, no one knew why he did it .Now I'm 22, Xiao-Xing 6. She began school in spring. It was now fall.

Being a model paid my bills, it got me through life. No one knew it was me, when I was a model I would wear contacts so he wouldn't be able to find me. My hair is a lot darker than it was when he knew me. And I no longer go by Sakura Kinomoto, I go by Mai Ling, in modeling that is. I also changed my last name at 18, to Daidouji.

Always been a scared little cat, hiding and crying because I could never tell him. I was afraid for no reason. The whole thing was just way too over whelming at the time, and now it's too late. As to why I changed my last name at 18 was, when I learned of my pregnancy I ran away and lived with Tomoyo, that's why I took her last name.

I'm Sakura Daidouji and that's my story up until now.

**That's the story so far.. I will update soon, next couple of days maybe? Tell me what you think.**

**Btw, this is only the epilogue. To explain her background. This is not how the story is going to be told… just so you know.**

**Do you like it? Hate it?**

**Review please!**


	2. Chapter 1: At the Cafe

So sorry for not updating… I know you guys like the story and I hope you continue reading it!

OOoOoOoOo

The night was chilly. The sounds of the city could easily be heard from the small gap from the open window.

Sakura sighed as she looked out the window. It's not really that she wanted to be up, it's that she had woken up from a nightmare. It was strange though, although she couldn't remember it that much, just the feeling of fear had overtaken her.

The fan on the laptop spurred out the usual ring and the keys made a clanking as they were pressed.

It was 3 am and all surroundings were dark, the only light that immersed the room were the light of the screen and those lights from the street lights.

Her thoughts seemed lost as she checked her e-mail. Tons of messages lined up of those super-fantastical annoying fans who wrote their sincerest letter about their love for her. She had been angered, since her email address was put on the tabloid. As if she didn't get enough attention whenever she was at a shoot.

'If only they knew the real me, Sakura Daidouji.'

She scrolled through her inbox, hoping one would catch her interest. Interesting enough, one was labeled Cherry blossom. She blushed but suddenly realized that 'Cherry blossom' had been the name of Tomoyo's Spring fashion designer clothing line name. That must have been what it's about.

Clicking it curiously she wound up dreading it. After reading it she closed her laptop, grabbed her keys and darted for the door.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she drove to the nearest coffee shop.

'This couldn't be happening… not after this long…' Even her thoughts sounded like they were having a panic attack.

"Good morning Miss Daidouji, the usual?" The cash register beamed.

"Ah-h-h y-yes."

"Hey Miss Daidouji, you wouldn't happen to know about the new line of clothing that's going to be released right, since you are Tomoyo Daidouji's sister."

"Sorry Mina, I don't.. she never lets me see them how many times do I have to tell you.." Sakura said in one of those 'even though I'm her sister she never tells me' kind of tones. Although she wasn't really her sister she didn't mind being called that.

"Aww… too bad, I can't wait to see it. I hope Mai Ling is the main model again!"

"Hahaha, I don't know she's not that great…" Ryuu the other worker at the café cooed.

"What?! Are you kidding she's the best of them all! She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen!" Mina replied her eyes filled with twinkles staring off in to space.

"Hmm, she is pretty but, something's not right about her… I think its her eyes." Sakura's heart skipped a beat and her chest tightened. Yes, she wore contacts, but she was sure they looked like her eyes were like that.

"Yeah, yeah.. Like she had a sad past or something… oh yeah miss Daidouji here's your coffee!" Mina handed Sakura her the coffee.

"Mina! How many times do I have to tell you to call me Sakura!" She whined.

"Ah, your right… sorry Sakura. That's hard to get used to that's all."

Sakura cupped her hands around the cup and sat in the stool closest to the window. It was always slow at this time which is why Sakura comes around. She is usually the only one but today a strange figure in the back corner who wore sunglasses and was typing away on a laptop.

She sipped her coffee, she took it black with only a little sugar. Unlike when she was younger she now prefers things to be bitter. Somehow it soothed her, she stared out the window with thoughts of nothingness. Her heart had somehow calmed down and she had forgotten all about the email.

A chill went down her spine, she felt as though she was being watched. As time went by the feeling didn't leave. Constantly glancing back the strange figure still sat in the same positioned. The man had a complex aura, like she'd know him from somewhere.

The room filled with a loud, obnoxious ring tone which was none other than Sakura's ring tone. She read the caller id, sighed, and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

'M-mommy! Where are you!'

"Oh honey… what's wrong?"

'I woke up and you were gone! I thought you left me for good!'

"Xi-Xi (like zee-zee.) I wouldn't leave you… laughs I just went out for a cup of coffee."

'Mommy, do you know what time it is? You've been gone for over an hour!'

"Um…." Sakura glanced at her watch. "Oh no, I've been gone for so long! Hey Xi-Xi, is Aunt 'Moyo there?"

'Yes… She is screaming because you didn't leave her a note.'

"My, I forgot! Don't worry baby, I'll be home soon. Tell 'Moyo I'm fine."

Sakura sighed, this was unusual, she never stayed this long. She decided it was time to say good-bye to Mina, even though they hadn't talked much.

"Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyy, Mina? I Have to go, My baby girl just called me."

"Okay Sa-Ku-Ra, tell Xi-Xi I said hi!"

"Will do."

She turned and started heading out the door when she spotted that strange customer with the sunglasses. His eyes shown right through those darkly tinted sunglasses. Those once loving amber eyes were now cold as ice. Fading into oblivion it felt as she pushed through the cafes doors.

oOoOoOoOo

Kind of gay right? Ugh, I felt bad because I've been pondering about how it'll lead up to the chapters in my head and I haven't been writing it down.

Well I hope this clears things up.

Syaoran, became the head of the corporation at 16! At twenty he stepped down from his position for unbeknown reasons. He left his eldest sister to run the company. Yada yada. You'll find out more about it in the next chapter.

Yes, the strange customer is obviously Syaoran. He doesn't recognize her, the only reason he was staring was because she told Mina her name was 'Sakura'.

Sakura met Mina months earlier, but when Mina found out her relations to Tomoyo she began calling her Miss Daidouji to be formal. They are close friends, and Mina knows about Xiao-Xing because Sakura would take her to the café after school and get her ice cream. I should probably put this into the chapters coming up though.

I apologize for the chapters mix up.. my word processor cut out some of the words

Review?


	3. Chapter 2: The Confrontation

_Oh wow, I'm so so sorry. Since Halloween is just around the corner I've been busy preparing. Halloween is like the biggest holiday at my house, it's out favorite. _

_Thanks for all the reviews!! I was so happy to log on to find so many o.O;; I really appreciate it._

_I got a couple questions I thought I'd answer._

_Chainedheart999- _

_did Syaoran know that it was his 'Sakura'? He must be kind of surprised because he heard Sakura said about her 'baby'..._**No, he did not know it was his Sakura, but he heard the name and reacted. Right now he is thinking "That can't be her right?"**

_Did Syaoran become the head of Li Corp. at 16 anyway?_

**Yes, and no. Well, he became co-head until he was 18. Than became head, taking over his mom's position. I plan on explaining it a bit more as the story progresses.**

_And the reason why he resigned from the corporation... Does it relate with Sakura?_

**Yes, It was to find her.. Since after she found out she was pregnant she ran away, leaving little traces of herself making it almost impossible to contact her.**

**And, no.. he does not know of the child.**

If you wondering, Mai can either be pronounced May or My depending on how you want it to be.

Hope that answered your questions. Sorry I didn't update earlier. I should have. I've been writing bits and pieces of this chapter all month long to get ideas abut how I'm going to write it.

OOoOoOoOo

This chilly air crawled up Sakura legs, today she was doing the Fall fashion line. Usually she would be doing the shoot indoors but it was the photographers idea. She didn't like the idea, but Tomoyo begged her to do it.

Sakura was wearing actual casual type clothes for once. Almost always Tomoyo would give her ridiculous outfits, so she was happy when it wasn't that much. Sakura was wearing a white dress shirt, a grey vest like sweater which hung there, no buttons buttoned and such. Her lower half consisted of a pair of cargo khaki Capri and a pair of flats. It was extremely comfy which concerned her a bit, she never did this unless there was a reason.

The sound of the shutter could be heard all around while Mai did her job. It wasn't as easy as it was in the beginning, because she had always been the model for Tomoyo when she was younger, but now the photographers expect more out of her since she is so popular and great as some say.

She didn't have as much self confidence as you would think, but she does enjoy it. She got to do so many wonderful things, like trips and meeting celebrities. Sakura used to be flustered beyond belief when she first joined Tomoyo's company, but it seemed to lose meaning after time went by.

As soon as her shoot was over, she sighed and went to look for Tomoyo. She wanted to tell her about plans she made today and had yet to tell her. She walked through all the crazy, the rush of the make-up artists, and the wardrobe assistances that rushed from place to place giving the models their clothes looking for a specific raven haired friend which she hadn't met with all day.

"Mai, your needed over here!" One of the assistances yelled her way. Sakura sighed again and followed her. This was common, always needed when one of the other models didn't meet the expectations. It was strange though, she was leading her the opposite direct of the shoot.

Although she was afraid to ask, the assistant caught this, "Tomoyo asked for you, I bet you figured you had to go for another shot eh?" The woman laughed.

Sakura felt awkward but decided to laugh accordingly. "Yes, I was afraid I'd have to change into something ridiculous again."

"Oh, no no, don't worry. She said there was someone here for you."

"Oh really?" She felt her stomach flip and had a feeling of dread.

"Yeah, what a handsome young man at that, you sure are some lucky girl, meeting all the good men…." The woman began to blab on and on, Sakura tuned her out. It seemed rude yes, but she was tired and had her thoughts to where she was going today. She set up and appointment with her friend Kiri to have her hair cut. It had been a good 6 months and she was getting split ends. Kiri was the only one she has cut her hair, everyone else doesn't do it quite like her, her hands are like magic.

"Well here we are Miss Ling, She is right through those doors."

"Thank you miss….?"

"Yanagisawa." She corrected. Sakura had heard this name before, it rang a bell for some strange reason.

"Wait, you couldn't possibly be Naoki Yanagisawa?" Sakura questioned. The woman looked young, probably not that young but you get the idea.

"Oh no, but that is my nieces name, do you know her?"

"y-yes, she was a good friend of mine in grade school, I lost contact with her though." Sakura's eyes shifted from the woman to the floor.

"oh-- I'm sorry I have to leave, but if I ever see you again I'll tell you her contact information!"

"Thank you so much!" She beamed as the woman left, slowly her face turned to hurt. It's strange how little daily encounters can change you're emotions so quickly. Little reminders that will surely remove the shell she's kept for years. Sakura has tried so hard to be the way she was, but she hungrily wants to go back, fix all her mistakes and so much more she's missed out on. Xi-Xi she told herself was not a mistake, but she sure did change her life, not knowing if it was for better or for worse.

She began to wonder, who on earth was she going to meet today, then it hit her. Reality struck. Her heart began to beat wildly, and she began to hyperventilate. It was uncontrollable, it was almost enough to break her shell, which she thought was so strong. That she could handle anything. She was wrong , this would be difficult.

It was Toya Kinomoto, her brother. The harsh, cruel and demeaning. Not really, but he was the overprotective brother that was always against everything she did no matter how much she wanted it. When she was small he would chase away all her friends, that were guys at least. HE was the only one who didn't run away, he faced him. That's one of the reasons he loved him, he had courage, something she didn't have.

She took deep breaths, It all came down to this moment. She needed to face her fears, open up to him. He was her brother after all, he should understand. Or at least understand why she would do this. It wasn't her character, to do something that would tear her up, but she did. She ran from her fears, which only hurt her more.

Sakura knew there was no room for hope. Hope that he and her father would forgive her. Her actions led her to believe she was terrible person.

Someone not worth of their love.

She removed the mask known as Mai, it was at this moment she had to face it as Sakura Daidouji. She could no longer be the weak and spineless Sakura that Toya once knew. She was different now. Although she may not think so.

She had to be strong.

She shut her eyes briefly and took a deep breath, grabbing the door knob. Slowly turning it.

……………………..

……………………………..

……………………..

(Author's note: I wanted to put suspense in it, but fail miserably DDDDDDDDDD:)

Sakura opened the door and began to walk in. She could hear two voices coming from the room she was heading towards. The hallway seemed to get smaller and smaller. Waves a fears hit her, as if she was swimming in the sea.

"'Moyo you asked for me?" I whispered, you could just hear the stutter in her voice.

"Ah, Sakura, you're here!" She said while jumping up, the figure next to her also stood up. He practically towered over her.

"Daidouji-Chan can you leave us alone for a few moments…" Toya murmured.

"y-yes… " She said heading in Sakura's direction. "Sakura, I'm sorry!" Her eyes pleaded for forgiveness.

It was Tomoyo who set this up, she tried before, but failed.

Sakura preceded to walk toward Toya. It was a strange atmosphere as you could probably already guess. It was heavy and silent.

"Toya- I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Your sorry!" He yelled, "Do you even know what me and dad went through!"

"…."

"Why did you run away! What in your right mind, made you think that running away was a smart choice? You lucky you had Tomoyo to run to!"

"…."

" We figured you'd come back! We waited 6 years, 6 long years! Why Sakura! Why?!"

"…."

"Sakura say something!" He grabbed her shoulder. Her eyes shone emotionless, She could not cry. She wasted 6 years crying.

"I'm sorry, sorry-sorry. I had no choice."

"What do you mean no choice, you always have a choice."

"Yeah I really had a choice! You think I did! You have no idea what I went through!"

"If I don't know why don't you inform me. Tell me, What emotions did you go through? You got dumped. Nothing more. It happens in life Sakura you have to face the facts."

"I didn't get dumped."

"Oh, really? I think you did."

"I DIDN"T GET DUMPED!"

"Yes you did."

"I GOT PREGNANT!" She screamed, before she realized what she said, she covered her mouth. It felt wrong, wrong to say that. It was true, so why did it sound so wrong.

"pr-pregnant? You got pregnant?" He said stuttering. " Ha-ha pregnant, wow…. Just wow."

An awkward silence filled the room, Sakura covered her mouth blushing mad. Toya was scratching his head with the dumbest look of surprise on his face. It was a weird sight.

"So, you had a child?"

"Yes."

"With that brat?"

"It's his child, but I did not have it with him. He doesn't know about her."

"It's a her? Wow, this was a lot more than I expected." He admitted.

"Way more than I expect actually."

"Why did you hide from us, we are family."

"Because of you……." Her eyes welled with tears, well maybe she did have some left. It seemed like they were finally over and done with. She felt weak.

"Me…" He asked.

"Yes you! You were against every little thing I did! If I would have randomly shown up pregnant you would have killed him."

"Does he really not know?"

"n-no. I don't want him to go out of his way for me"

"Sakura, I don't know if he still does but Syaoran really loved you. That was what ticked me off most because I knew he'd take you away from me."

"Toya….."

_Syaoran…._

_Syaoran Li…._

_His name was Syaoran Li._

_The Man I love is named Syaoran Li._

Time seemed to stop, Sakura's legs buckled underneath her. Her vision began to blur.

_How could I forget someone so important._

_The father of my child, the love of my life. _

_The only one I ever truly loved no matter what._

_I must be a terrible person._

Toya caught her before she hit the ground. He wrapped his arms around her. Her tears were free flowing now. No longer did she care if she was weak. She knew she had always been weak. To go to this degree, maybe she was a little pathetic.

She had forgotten him. To her it was unacceptable. She always referred to him, and Tomoyo never spoke his name. Yet she forgot it.

She heard muffled voices, screaming, and yelling.

_What's happening to me……………._

OOoOoOoOo

I'm cruel and heartless. I know. But at least I wrote a chapter. And it's almost 5 pages! that's good right?

But, Sakura actually had amnesia. When Xi-Xi was first born, like most mothers she went through a phase of horrid depression. When women realize how big the baby is going to change their lives. It happens a lot with 1st born children. During that time she had a huge breakdown, Cried for days straight. Then she slept, for days. When she woke she didn't realize it but she had lost all the memories of Syaoran. Like he disappeared. That's why every time she saw Xi-Xi's eyes it hurt, because her mind was trying to rid itself of the pain she forgot.

SO when she remembered him she sort of had a panic attack and she began to black out.

Ha-ha, I have no idea how to write the next chapter. I should update much much sooner next time though. I started writing this chapter a week ago.

Review?

Oh yeah, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN.


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